Saturday, May 9, 2015

Operation 2015: When you just want to run away

Hi friends,

It's been a while since I wrote anything on here. I am still on my journey for Operation 2015, but lately, training has been getting harder and harder to find time for in my schedule.

So the last time we talked, I had PR'd my March race.

Well, while I completed my April race, it was a complete disaster. I wound up walking most of it because I have had sporatic training, at best, since Disney. But I finished, so there was that.

This month was supposed to be a 19.3 mile May, but I intentionally skipped a 10K last weekend because when I woke up on race day I didn't feel ready (amongst other things). But I have a half at the end of the month I can't skip. I'm already nervous about it because it's a night race, which is new territory for me, but to think that I'm also going back to being under trained is terrifying.

So what happened? Well, to be honest, I think it was the combination of several things. The first is that Princess Weekend was what I started running to accomplish. It was the BIG GOAL. And now I have no BIG GOAL. I mean, yes, I have races for the rest of the year I'm registered for, but they're not as exciting or BIG as Princess was. And another Disney race just isn't in the cards right now.

The second is that from the moment I got back from Orlando (and I mean the moment...I was fielding phone calls in the airport), all heck has broken loose at school. My labmates tried to run samples while I was gone and they did it wrong, which made the bosses mad. Then when I helped them straighten everything out, we accidentally contaminated the samples. Which made the bosses mad. Then I went back to my project and all my samples were contaminated in a different way. Which made the bosses mad. That happened the FIRST weekend in March. And since then, I've been trying to find the source of this contamination and get rid of it.

And it. Has. Been. TERRIBLE.

When I've needed the run the most, I haven't been able to take it, because grad school guilt is a very real thing and how can I take an hour to go for a run when I could spend that hour in the lab trying to make this better and make my deadlines.

Which has proven a terrible decision. Because not only is the run important for all these financial commitments I've made, it has proven important to my sanity. The stress of everything I've been dealing with has been almost more than I could bear with no outlet for this frustration in my science. I've wanted to run away for the past few days.

So now I'm trying to get back in it. I've gotten a weekday running buddy again, so hopefully the accountability will be helpful. I also have started a reward system for my training runs. I collect Disney Tsums and completing a certain number of runs every month lets me buy the ones I want from the new monthly collection the following month. I've also started using the Nike app to challenge my friends to a monthly mileage goal. Hopefully at least one of these things helps.

13.1 mile May is going to happen. Then we have another 13.1 mile June. And in July, a 15K and a new kind of training I'll talk about later. Just know I'm going to hopefully push myself a little further to meet a new goal I've made for myself.

Until then, keep running. I know I'm going to try to.